Posted by Marie IngramWhen a little boy shows interest in little girls toys, like Barbie for example, the tendency is for parents to react negatively. They usually take away the doll and replace it with a truck or some other 'boy' toy and make an issue that Barbie is for girls. Parents have a fear that their son might become homosexual or too feminine. That fear runs so deep that they do not allow their son to play with dolls. Barbie is a very sexual doll. She is a fully developed woman based on a sex toy from Germany. It is interesting how parents see this fully breasted, curvy doll as too feminine for their boy to play with; if anything they should be worried about her sex appeal. Parents see their son playing with a doll and freak out. Most of the time a boy's interest in dolls is temporary, a phase, and they soon move on to something else. However parents are scared that it is not just a phase and repeatedly make an issue out of it.
Members of our group work with children regularly and have noticed that boys love to play pretend with baby dolls and strollers just as much as girls do. We speculated that perhaps boys, as well as girls, have 'maternal' caring instincts, however our homophobic society repeatedly drives it out of them.
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I actually live this issue everyday. As a lesbian raising a son, my partner and I are very aware of the expectations parents place on their children and the gender socialization that happens in the classroom. My partner was sent to therapy as a child because she wanted He-Man "boy" underwear and her parents were very uncomfortable with it! My son's best friend is a tomboy and her mom just got mad that she wants to be Freddy Kruger for Halloween and not a princess or a fairy...
ReplyDeleteAll I know, is that I was asked very early on (about the age of 8) if I had a boyfriend at school. Like that was my destiny. I was so preoccupied with fulfilling my society's expectations that I never asked "who do I like?" until my failed marriages were proof that society's way was clearly not working. I am now a very happy, highly feminine, well adjusted lesbian. I will love my son...no matter what toys, clothes or people he chooses. (anna l.)
I also agree with the statement that boys do have maternal instincts and that they are "driven" out of them. I don't really think that it's just with dolls though. My friend Richard, who is also gay, said that he never played with dolls as a child, but he remembers an incident when his little sister was a baby, he wanted to hold her and his mother told him he wasn't allowed to because "it's a mommy job". He told me, it could either have been because he was too small to hold the baby, but as a child, he took it as only ladies can do that. Also, although Richard is gay, he's very manly and it's interesting to wonder that, if he had been allowed to be more feminine as a child, would he be like all the other steretypical gays? Just a thought.
ReplyDelete(Tida C.- Group 3)
I actually have seen this happening before when i was in kindergarten and I had this guy friend that used to play dolls with me. His parents saw him playing with the dolls and literally they started getting crazy on him and saying that only girls can play with them. But I was really young that time and I did not really understand why his parents were yelling at him because he was playing with a doll. I believe that boys can play with dolls too. =)
ReplyDelete(Victoria Nguyen-Group 5)
I remember a long time seeing my little brother playing with Power Rangers. The colors were Red, White, Black, Yellow, and Pink. My mom bought him all the colors except the Pink one because it wouldn't look right. The Yellow ranger was a chick but it was ok because yellow is a neutral color. Mom said PINK is strictly feminine. [David]
ReplyDeletei was a voulunter at a gym, i specifcally worked in the babysitting section and remember very clearly this little girl who always brought in her barbie but always ended up playing with the car toys. When her mother cathed her playing with the cars, she would place her daughter on a "time out". During this time out period her mother reapeatdly told her that she was a GIRL and as a Girl she was not allowed to play with cars. Sadly our society has created this false expectation and the children are the ones who pay the price
ReplyDelete(-Jackie)
I have a younger boy cousin who loved to play dress up. Every time he came over to our house he would watch me put on my makeup while asking a thousand questions. This was like 5 years ago and he's older now, but his father made sure that the behavior stopped. He's a completely different kid now then he was when he was little. He's very judgemental now and has lost that innocence, yet he's only 11. Parents jump to conclusions about what is normal and what isn't and because of it children are forced to conform. I think it's sad that kids can't express themselves without consequences.
ReplyDeleteI too find it horrible that their are people that believe in Gendered play. I feel that by chastising one of a child's basic expression, play, the parents are sending a message that not only are others that exhibit non-traditional traits inferior but inflicting serious damage on a child's morale and self esteem.
ReplyDelete-Jeff Chang